Bloglift

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I’m giving my blog a facelift because it definitely needs one. Now I know what you’re thinking, why do you need to change the look of a blog you barely use? Although I’ve been absent I still felt the need to update some small things. First of all, I’m 20 years old now, and no longer a teenager so my slogan had to be fixed, also I felt like the balloons were a bit too…well actually they were really cute but I want to try out a new theme. My bio needed an upgrade because wow I’m definitely not a high school freshie anymore. I think that’s about it so…yeah, enjoy the new look of things.

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Insecurities ?

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So I haven’t updated this blog in a super long time, which is my fault alone. In the many many months since my last post, I’ve been using Youtube to make videos about my life instead of writing paragraphs. So far I’ve only shared said videos with family members but I hope to also share them with friends so that I can stay in touch with them (Is it staying in touch when the video conversations are one sided?) I haven’t really gone out of my way to share my videos around to a larger group of people because I’m … scared? What if my friends get bored of me? or What if they don’t care about my life anymore? are examples of nagging worries that have stopped me from sending my videos out to my friends and I’m going to have to get over them at some point. Until then though I’m just going to keep making videos for my two cousins and maybe an uncle or two.

 

 

 

Motivation

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What I need right now is a good kick in the butt. I have homework that I need to do, desperately so! I have tests to study for, emails to write and send, a desk that probably needs to be cleaned, nails that need to be cut, and polished………SO MUCH TO DO! so much to do and yet I cannot seem to do any of it. NOTHING!! Instead of getting sh*t done, I’m here writing this and hoping that venting my frustration at myself will be enough to get my brain in gear. In my opinion, its not even that bad that I can’t focus, or be productive. The problem is that I plan on doing something fun tonight. Tonight my college is hosting a drag show, and it sounds really interesting. I’ve been looking forward to it for a week, but now I feel like if I go, it has to be a reward for getting my stuff done. I don’t want to reward myself for nothing because that will induce guilt, but I also don’t want to miss it. AAAUUGGGH!  *anguished face*

Blogging

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At this moment in time, I haven’t blogged in like 487 years; I apologize. I started this blog as an online diary of sorts, and I used it as one for a while, but then I wanted to try vlogging (video blogging) to see if it was any fun, and I’ve been focusing on just that rather than both blogging and vlogging. I think the reason I’m so fixated on one and not the other is that blogging doesn’t provide any challenge. Aside with coming up with what I’m going to write about, there’s nothing else that I have to accomplish. I know that I’m a pretty good writer, and I know that I can produce quality blog posts whenever I want to (kinda). Vlogging is entirely different. Not only do I have to come up with what to say, but I have to find a reasonably quiet/private place to film, check the lighting, and film the video. Then I have to go and edit the clips, often raise the audio level, when I’m feeling creative I’ll add background music. If its not just a video of me talking, but a video of several different things I’ll probably have to add in transitions between clips….The whole vlogging process from the moment I decide to make a video to publishing it on Youtube is extremely new to me. Filming and editing are skills that I’m having a blast learning. I think this is the reason I’ve been overlooking this blog. I don’t know if this means I’ll have to work harder at uploading content to both sites, I don’t know if this means I should only focus on one (I’ll probably try to focus on both). If you want to check out my Youtube channel the link is at the bottom.

Thanks for reading,  I’m sorry that it’s been so long

Mariah

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6u1iMjaD56rs78_uIfTkLA

I’m emotional

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Today we had a member of the school’s grandfather come in to talk about his experience as a Jewish child during the Holocaust. He talked about his experience throughout his time at Aushwitz and other places where Jews were killed in Poland. He and his family survived because the Nazi officers enjoyed his father’s violin playing. He was incredibly lucky and has such an inspirational story to tell. It was a great talk but as you can guess it was extremely emotional. I’m also wearing shorts today. Now this may sound like a random fact that has nothing to do with my emotional state but just you wait. It is April 23. It should be warm, and sunny outside, the grass should be green an the flowers should be blooming, and even if there’s a slight chill in the air its okay because for the most part it’s warm…..It snowed 15 minutes ago, SNOWED!! I was in A.P English and was fine with the fact that I had to walk outside to my next class because it may be a bit cold but so what..and then I looked out the window and it was snowing and I’m telling you I was livid. Only in New England would it snow on April 23!

BLOP

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I’m sorry you guys, I know I need to get better at keeping up the blogging thing, its just I have so much stuff during the day and by the time I have some scrap of free time I’m exhausted and want to sleep. AHGPOAJEW FABGIRUAHEWOPFAJR I wish I could just make fun posts all day and entertain you but I can’t……blame the school system, blame the patriarchy, blame Obama!!! (don’t actually, it’s a joke on tumblr)